The morning is the worst time for me, with very late at night being a close second. I'm not sure what I should be doing. It's so quiet. The void feels larger than my whole body. I just feel empty.
I'm so happy about my phone call from Nashville, and THRILLED I can go to testify next month to help make such a huge change.
I made this blog because facebook was no longer allowing me to read all the many comments and supportive posts made by my friends.
Not that many people have followed me over to Addison's page. I'm sure you all have made comments on fb if the page still appears normal to you. I haven't had any communication with this new community that gathered around me with such love and support and I feel very alone.
At first I was just FURIOUS that Addison's page seemed to have some sort of glitch in it that I couldn't fix. Then I felt excited that I could continue on in another place. No I feel lonely and that I'm posting things that people aren't reading. It's like when I talk out loud to Addison, it makes me feel better for a minute, but I know from what the Bible teaches he can't hear me.
Please join me over here. I didn't realize REALLY how I had come to rely and enjoy your comments and posts, and personal experiences until I could no longer get to them.
It takes about a minute longer than fb to join this page. I know how much time many of you have spent on his page reading and commenting and supporting me, and I SO appreciate that. Could you take that extra minute?
Jessica, have you set this up to also post on Facebook? I follow quite a few blogs and have even been setting my own up and I know that when someone posts to the blog, it also posts to Facebook. I have been following your journeys and I commend you for fighting for what's right, putting your heart and emotions for you like you have. Your love for your brother comes through in every word that you write. Keep it up, my dear! You will make a difference! HUGS
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. The fb page won't load, so the only thing I am able to do is SHARE what I wrote on FB with the link so they can come over here and read and comment. I'm so happy you made this comment, and I appreciate your words. When people comments on anything I write on his page, I can't read it. I click on it and it goes blank and I can't read anything. I'm just praying people will join this page so I can have communication again. Thank you so much for being here. You don't KNOW what it means just to be able to write something, have someone read it and write back - where I can actually see what you wrote. Thank you!!!!
ReplyDeleteJESSICA, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE HARD WORK YOU ARE DOING. PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I HAVE A DAUGHTER, EMILY, WHO IS 22 AND A RECOVERING ADDICT. SHE HAS BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR 16 MONTHS NOW. I THANK GOD EVERYDAY FOR HER. THIS DIEASE IS SO HARD TO ACCEPT AND UNDERSTAND. I GO TO TWO MEETING A WEEK TO TRY AND LEARN TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND BE MORE UNDERSTANDING. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS AND PLEASE REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I THINK YOU HAVE PRAYED FOR THE WISDOM TO CHANGE THE THINGS YOU CAN AND GOD IS WITH YOU ALL THE WAY.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. This, just like when Addison was alive and we were trying everything we could to help him - was a battle. So I guess I'm used to a battle! I'm so happy for your daughter. Please tell her to keep up the good work and there ARE people out there that understand how HARD it is to do what she is doing. And even though I'm not a parent, I was so much older than Addison that I was like another "little mom" to him - so I know EXACTLY how YOU feel. Meetings are wonderful, and understanding is a MUST. Pray for her daily, constantly. I know I pray for ALL of you everyday. I appreciate you kind words and support, it makes me feel like if I can help in the process of changing laws and help other people just by giving them a place to talk about their situation, then Addison didn't die for nothing. One thing we as a family never did was HIDE this. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed or think your daughters addiction is a bad reflection on you. There is no shame in addiction, no more than someone battling cancer. Though some people entered into it through an injury or surgery and got addicted, some like my brother, entered into it because of immaturity and experimentation. It was a MISTAKE he made. He paid for it with his life. We aren't defined by the mistakes we make, so whether or not someone got addicted to something because a doctor originally gave it to them, or because they were just following the wrong crowd - it doesn't matter. Hold your head high, you still have a daughter who is fighting a huge fight and tell her we are PROUD of her for fighting.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you both
As an RN in an emergency dept, I'm constantly frustrated with the rate and quantity with which our ED physicians are forced to dole out prescription narcotics. Our "fifth vital sign" is a pain level and an ED is a wonderful place for folks to get their "fix". Our doctors are being forced by the Joint Commission to address and fix our patients pain. With Obamacare, hospitals that get poor rating from patients will not get paid medicare/medicaid dollars. Poor ratings happen when patients leave without getting their narcotics. Maybe the government needs to open it's eyes and see that they are a large part of the problem, by forcing physicians to prescribe to anyone and everyone who has a little "booboo". Ask the Joint Commission of Accredidation of Hospitals why they are endorsing narcotic addictions.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, and yes I have a friend, an ex personal training client that is an RN that told me EXACTLY the same thing. I am trying to deal and address each situation that is a contributing factor to this epidemic one by one, well actually as many as I can at the same time. I will MAKE SURE that I address this situation the next time I am in contact with legislators, which hopefully with be by phone the middle of this week, but at the VERY latest, during my several trip to the Capitol Building the first couple of weeks in March. Right now I am working with a Knoxville State Rep who is trying to find the right bills that haven't passed yet that we can stick all of these regulations onto THIS YEAR, so that they will go into effect SOON. Though I had heard this already, thank you for reminding me again of this important issue that needs resolution.
DeleteAre you aware that the Tennessee narcotic database isn't updated for two weeks. Meaning, if I looked tonight to find a narcotic prescribed within the last two weeks, I wouldn't find it. It's not up-to-date and though the docs try to use it, it doesn't help like it should. Some folks will go to several EDs in a night and fill their prescriptions over several days and we don't have knowledge of those prescriptions. Possibly something can be done to make this "real time" reporting.
ReplyDeleteThanks again! And yes I am aware of this, but there is at least good news regarding this issue! What you are talking about pertains to the Governor's Bill that is currently in the works of being passed RIGHT NOW. It is the "Tennessee Prescription Safety Act of 2012." It will officially go into effect October 1 of this year. It REQUIRES that EVERY doctor not only USE the Database, but every prescription has to be updated in to the Database within 24 HOURS. The legislative system did actually realize that having the Database, but not forcing everyone to use it, and allowing so much time to update it, really wasn't helping anything so they ARE changing that. I am hoping that this is one of the several bills that I will be able to testify on behalf of. My husband is a dentist, and as of yet has not been mandated to use the database, though he is in HUGE support of it. As with Dental procedures, he NEVER gives a patient more than 3 days worth of narcotics, and always TRIES, it at ALL possible to prescribe non narcotics such as Tamadol, and he gives NO refills. I know October seems a little far away, but I've learned that the way the legislative system works, just that we even have been GIVEN a date is a wonderful thing. Thanks for your comments!!!!
DeleteI'm listening...please keep sharing.
ReplyDeleteI'm here! Thank you SO much for being here too! Last night one of my oldest and dearest friends came to see me and I knew in the back of my mind my phone had been lighting up with comments on this new blog page, it was SO hard to try and relax and not be on the computer! But grieving, just like working with the legislative system takes a LONG TIME! So sometimes I force myself to put the computer away and spend time with my husband family and friends. Weekends are harder for me to keep up communication but now that he is at work I am able to catch up talking with all of my new friends. I appreciate you being here so much!!! Thank you :)
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