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Monday, February 27, 2012

THIS MORNING

Last night I was with my mother headed towards the County Jail. We were sad, but excited that we were FINALLY going to get to see Addison again after almost 2 agonizing months. It seemed like we would NEVER get there. We were nervous on the drive and talking about all the things we would tell him about the great changes that are taking place that we get to be a part of. It was late, dark and cold outside. We were just happy to know that he was safe, warm, and had food, even though it probably wasn't very appetizing.
We arrived to see people coming in drones, everyone anxiously awaiting when they would open the doors, chattering amongst themselves and filling out the required paper work to be admitted to the visiting area. When we approached the counter and handed our papers to the woman in uniform, she said "there must be some confusion; Addison Sharp isn't here, he was arrested on a serious drug charge and has been transferred to a federal prison." Our hearts sank, and they broke even more when she informed us that we couldn't go visit him there, but at least we could make a call and talk to him.
We left angry, upset, heartbroken. Why hadn't they TOLD us of this move? We've waited since January to see him and now we CAN'T! I've been desperately wanting to see him and talk to him EVERY SINGLE DAY for the last 57 days. How I longed to see him, though I dreaded seeing him behind a piece of glass where I couldn't touch him, couldn't hug him, could't kiss his cheeks and forehead a million times. 
So home we went, in the middle of the night. Trying to stay calm enough to figure out how to phone this federal prison to finally hear his voice again. We fumbled through phone books, and internet sites trying to get the number. How would we even know what inmate number he was? They didn't tell us. And everyone knows when you are locked up you are reduced to a number, not a name, not a person, not my baby brother. 
We get the number and nervously call. Mom with one cordless phone trembling to her ear, and another held shaking to mine. Another woman answers, a corrections officer with all the politeness of a DMV employee. My voice was caught in my throat, and when I spoke it was noticeably shaky. "My name is Jessica Akhrass, I am looking for my brother Addison, apparently he was transferred there without our knowledge. I NEED to talk to him, I don't know what his inmate number is, can you PLEASE help me!?" As we were put on hold my eyes locked with my mother in anxious fear. The woman returned to the line and said, "There is no Jeffery Addison Sharp here. Don't you remember, He's DEAD."

I shot up in the bed this morning realizing I had just had the worst dream of my life. Addison is gone. Gone forever until I cross into heaven myself. There will be no more phone calls, or visits, or hugs and kisses. I can't get to him. I won't being seeing him EVER, on this side of life. I needed to share this with you as tears stream down my face typing this surreal and nightmarish dream. My heart feels literally broken and the anxiousness has still not gone away. I thought as I laid in bed, alone, my husband already gone to work, "Addison is gone. My baby is gone. Someone please help me."

3 comments:

  1. JESSICA LUV YOU DID WONDERFUL IN NASHVILLE! I JUST LISTENED TO IT. I HAVE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN MY PRAYERS EVERY DAY. LUV YOU,LAC

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  2. Thank you so much! you have no idea how much your support means to me <3

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss!! I also lost my best friend(my big brother) we were sooooo close , he passed in a car accident! There isnt a day that goes by I don't long for him, to hear his laugh, see his smile, hug him just one more time. It has been 6 years and our family is so torn apart. My baby sister is hooked on pain pills and it scares me so bad we will loose her also!! She has 3 kids aging from 1-6 and they need her like we do!! I don't know how to help her :(

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