A.D.D.I.S.O.N.: NO TEARS TODAY

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

NO TEARS TODAY

As I mentioned earlier the meeting with the Congressman was really good. When I came home I was exhausted. I didn't sleep very much, but did get completely engrossed in a really stupid lifetime movie. Then I got up to let the dogs out and started to panic - though at first I didn't know why. I came inside and sat on the couch and looked at Addison's picture. I said to him "I haven't cried about you today Addison. In fact I spent a big portion of the day and didn't even think about you."
Isn't this what I've been wanting? To have almost a full day where I can think about anything BUT Addison? I did that today. And all of a sudden I felt such horrible guilt. I didn't cry about him, I didn't even think about him for several hours in a row. I know I shouldn't feel guilty if this means that I actually might be getting a little better. That's what I've wanted and I KNOW that's what Addison would want. But I really feel like I'm having a panic attack because I'm not crying about him. It's the weirdest feeling I've ever had.
Pray for healing, you start to maybe see a glimpse of it, and then you feel guilty for the answered prayer? Doesn't make much sense does it? I've been thinking about it for a little while now, still not any calmer, but can't figure out why there seem to be no tears today and feel horrible that they just aren't there.
I know a lot of you have suffered loss so I thought I would mention this to see if it's normal to some degree or am I really losing it now? ♥

1 comment:

Anna GalyonApril 4, 2012 at 9:23:00 AM EDT
I think it is perfectly normal. I lost my mom back in 1993, and I think of her *almost* every single day. I don't usually cry about it because enough time has passed, but I feel guilty if I realize that she didn't cross my mind. I think what you're going through is normal. From the way you have described him, Addison wouldn't want you to cry about him every day, or even necessarily think about him everyday. Not thinking about him is not the same thing as forgetting him. Hang in there; things will get better. I was 12 when my mom passed away and I thought it was something I could never recover from. I still miss her, and I sometimes wish things were different, but I have a good life and I still love her. She is not forgotten, and Addison won't be forgotten, either.
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NOTICE:

NOTICE: This page was created

in honorof my brother Addison.

It is not for public debate, arguing,

or slander. People who have come

to know me through facebook

know that they can share their

stories about addiction or the

addiction of a loved one without

judgment.

Everyone has the right to their

freedom of speech but if you plan

to make insensitive and rude

comments about addicts, which

is very hurtful, go somewhere else

to exercise that right. Feel free

to ask questions about anything

you like, but we will not be

arguing about anything.

We support each other on this

page, share our stories, pray for

each other, and communicate in

a kind and loving manner. Any

negative comments or personally

offensive comments will be deleted

anyway so don't bother.

We are here to make a difference.

To save lives. To come together for

a common positive goal for the right

reasons.

REGULATIONS

REGULATIONS:

Here are a list of the regulations

that I am trying to push through

the TN State Legislative System

for Pain Clinics:

1. Each Patient must have a

Primary Care Physician

2. Must have a TN State ID

with photo

3. Must have a Dr. referral

and CURRENT - MRI, X-RAY,

or CT Scan

4. Physicians must check

the new State Database

prior to seeing each

patient

5. First visit, and subsequent

RANDOM drug testing

(This will not only test for

illegal substances, but also

ensure the drug they are

being provided is actually

in their system

6. Use the Addiction Risk

Assessment Form for

each patient

7. Physician must be on site

100% of the time

8. NO MORE 60-90 day

prescriptions written

Finally, I KNOW that we need

pain medication. I KNOW that

there are people suffering chronic

pain on a regular basis and they

NEED pain management. I am

not trying to prevent legitimate

patients from getting what they

need.

All that I am trying to do is to

REGULATE the prescribing and

dispensing of narcotics so that

those that NEED it, get it, and

that there aren't THOUSANDS

of pills on the street readily

available to any kid (or adult)

with enough cash to buy it.

PILLS

This poem was shared with me in a private message by someone on FB that has suffered addiction and watched the devastating effects of pills. I don't know who wrote it but if you are experiencing this battle right now, you will realize how this embodies pill addiction PERFECTLY. If you aren't or haven't experienced this horrible epidemic, after reading this I hope you can understand better what addicts go through, because this is EXACTLY what pills do to them. Thank you so much Sean for sharing this. It is so powerful and so true.

PILLS

I destroy homes, tear families apart,
take your children, and that's just the start.

I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold,
the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold,
and if you need me, remember I'm easily found.
I live all around you, in schools and in town.

I live with the rich, I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
My power is awesome; try me you'll see,
but if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go,
but try me twice, and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie.
You do what you have to just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms
will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.

You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate from friends.

I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always, right by your side.

You'll give up everything your family, your home,
your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give.
When I'm finished with you you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned this is no game.
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body; I'll control your mind.
I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
the voices you'll hear from inside your head,
the sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see;
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me,

But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
that you are mine, and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
but you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen. Many times you were told,
but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I'll be your master; you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? Its all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell.
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.

WELCOME!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

NO TEARS TODAY

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