THE TRUTH

Ok all, I just want to get a couple things straight. I'm not preaching to anyone, and definitely don't want to offend anyone but from some posts I've seen lately, I need to say something the is the TRUTH.
When I spoke at Addison's High School on Monday, on of the things that I did was present to the kids a short list of MYTHS and FACTS about addiction, and especially opiate addiction. The number 2 MYTH was that if an addict sees enough destruction from the use of pills, such as losing a job, losing friends, going to jail, or watching others die from it, that it will WAKE THEM UP. (this is a MYTH) it's a myth because to us, as non-addicts it just makes plain sense!!! But the FACT is: even though they see and experience all of these horrible things happening to THEM and others around them due to pills, it's NOT going to make them quit.
Now, this doesn't include EVERYONE, because there have been people that made a decision to get help, or quit using because they themselves had a realization of what could happen. But IN GENERAL the whole "WAKE UP" thing does not happen, and I'll tell you why.
Addison stole money from my parents. (He would NEVER have done that before) Addison saw 3 of his friends die, and one of his best friends I took him to the funeral and made him stand right in front of the casket and told him that if he died, that I would die too. Not having done my research on Opiate addiction I thought that seeing his friends death before his very eyes would make him quit. It did NOT of course.
Since then I have learned a TON about opiate addiction and what it actually does to their brains. Though seeing stuff like that and having horrible things happen to them because of their actions, does make them feel bad; horrible in fact. It is not enough to make them quit using just because of what they may have seen. They are people just like everyone else. They DO feel sadness, they DO feel shame, they do realized that they are doing these things TO themselves. They get that probably better than we do, as the non-addicts that love them.
However, there is something working in them that is SO much STRONGER than that. Something that will NOT just let them WAKE UP and stop before it's too late. It all has to do with brain chemistry. I told the students at Catholic about DOPAMINE, which is naturally occurring in everyone's brain. It is a neurotransmitter that gives you your sense of "pleasure." When you take pills, your brain is FLOODED with dopamine, as much as 5-10 times the normal level. Over time, by artificially raising the dopamine level in your brain, your brain actually becomes "rewired" to think that extremely high level of dopamine is NORMAL. It actually changes parts of your brain chemistry FOREVER. The addict then REQUIRES more and more of the artificial dopamine just to feel NORMAL. They would love to feel that same high they had in the beginning of using, and spend a lot of time and energy "chasing it." But eventually their changed brains NEED the dopamine from the drug, JUST LIKE WE ALL NEED FOOD. It's that primal of a need. Their brains are telling their bodies, "if you don't get more of that, your body will DIE." Thats where the desperation and the "doing things they would NEVER do before" comes in.
I presented everything at Catholic, in front of the Medical Examiner who performed Addison's autopsy - a VERY intelligent Dr. and scientist, and did not disagree with ANYTHING I said.
So - that's why they can't just stop, that's why they can't just WAKE UP, their brains have been altered - and unfortunately that brain change is irreversible. To say it's that way forever sounds like no one can ever overcome addiction - which we all know is not true. MANY people can overcome it. BUT bc of the brain changes, that is why it is SO DAMN HARD for them. There is a 50/50 chance that a CLEAN addict, will crave an opiate for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. They can do it, they can stay clean, but it's a struggle for them, and it's not an easy life. That's why I have such admiration for those that are clean and stay clean, because they have fought and continue to fight such a HUGE battle, and they should be applauded for it.
One more thing - PRAYER does work. Sounds funny since my Addison is dead doesn't it? We all prayed for him for YEARS, and ran around like crazy people trying to help him and God took him anyway. To some that sure doesn't sound like prayer works! But here is the deal: Gods ways are NOT our ways. God is going to do, what God is going to do- PERIOD. He listens to EVERY prayer and he answers them in HIS timing NOT ours. Some people have prayed for the SAME thing for over TEN freakin years, and FINALLY they get the answer. In HIS time, not ours.
It was God's plan all along to take Addison. He knew he would take Addison on January 2, 2012 before the creation of the universe. There was NOTHING we could have done to stop it.
So all of you fighting right now and praying like warriors, don't think because things haven't gotten better that prayer doesn't work. It's just that God pretty much gets His way oh, about EVERYTHING. We don't have to LIKE it, but we DO have to accept it. He knows EVERYTHING, and everything he does, like taking my brother from me, which sounds and FEELS like such a tragedy, He will work out for everyone's benefit. We don't know how. We don't know why - that's where FAITH comes in.
How has Addison's death benefitted ANYONE? Well, first though I would take it back in a second - my family was living in a nightmare trying to help him. Now, we know where he is and we don't worry about him anymore.
Second, ADDISON was STRUGGLING so hard everyday. God knew, that Addison would continue to struggle, so he just took him on Home, where there is no more struggle.
Third, through losing Addison, God has changed me spiritually in ways that I can't even explain. For years I had a difficult time understanding what "surrender to God" meant. My dad tried to teach me for like a decade - but I thought, well I don't know HOW to do that, and furthermore, I don't want to!!! Boy do I know now. It's like God took a look at me and said "You don't want to surrender your life to me? You say you don't know how? Well I'm going to show you...and he took my Addison away (which was for Addison's good) and God shoved my face in the dirt - so that I wasn't just on my knees in surrender, I was on my FACE. Then he picked me back up and said "THAT is what surrender means, and now that you know, I'm going to make your faith stronger than it has ever been in your entire life." I refused to surrender, and God FORCED me to - and that was for my benefit.
Finally - ALL OF YOU!!!! No one can tell me that the relationships that I have made with all of you hasn't been for ALL of our benefit!!! If Addison were still here, then I would never have met or talked with ANY of you. We wouldn't have a community place where we can talk to each other honestly and cry together, and pray for each other, and WORK on actually getting something done here!!!!
God just sees the BIG picture, and we see a teeny tiny little piece of our own pie. You must TRUST him, that HE KNOWS what is best. If you are in the middle of fighting an addiction yourself, or with someone you love, it is SO HARD to trust Him. I only WISH I had the faith THEN, that I do now. So PLEASE keep praying, God DOES hear you. And please keep sharing with each other on this page, and writing to me. Meeting and talking with all of you has been one of the biggest blessings I have received from losing Addison. I don't have a sibling anymore, but I have 3,310 NEW family members. How many people can say that?
I love you all, and God has changed me so much that I can't believe I just wrote all of that in the midst of losing the most important person in my life - that's how much HE knows, that we don't! Pray for your own, and your loved one's SALVATION - because in the end, eternity is the ONLY thing that matters. And I KNOW for a FACT where my brother is, so when I kissed him on his ice cold forehead at the mortuary before they took him away to be cremated I didn't say goodbye, I said what I always said to him.. "See ya on the flip side bro, I love you"..........